Am I Just a "Housewife" Now?

I had quit my job this summer and so have not been working lately. It was a part time job at the elementary school that I had held for 3 years and I found was not fulfilling my life anymore. It was a great job to have because it allowed me to work part time while earning a bit of extra income for the family, and also had the same school schedule as the kids. The problem with quitting my job, though, has been the fact that I am now a "housewife." Not a "stay-at-home mom" like I was when I chose to be home with my pre-school aged kids for 10 years. There is a difference and it is difficult to come to terms with how to define myself when I'm not working.

Anyway, as a result of not working, I've had to discover new little ways to be more frugal. One way has been to get a library card and to not buy books anymore, just borrow them. Those who know me know that I love to buy books--that feeling of owning my books is an addiction in itself. But for the good of the finances, I'm making regular trips to the library instead of the Amazon.com Book page.

One book that caught my eye the other day that I checked out was "To Hell with All That--Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife" by Caitlin Flanagan (2006). I'm halfway through it and have really enjoyed it so far. It is a sarcastic, yet well-researched book on how women's roles have changed in the last 3 decades (post WW-2) and how many women have gone from housewives to career women to stay-at-home mothers. The author discusses the high price that women pay for giving up their careers to devote themselves to home and family, the rewards that come from that choice, and the repercussions that comes from such a sacrifice.

In the town I live in, there are so many highly skilled and educated women who have chosen to be an at-home mother while their husbands have careers at the Lab. In the circle of friends that I have who are not working (or work part time at a job unrelated to their field) I know an Industrial Engineer, Mechanical Engineer, Construction Engineer, Dietician, Geologist, Mathematician, Computer Scientist, Veterinarian.....the list goes on. The point is that we're all unemployed.

In the book "To Hell with That" the author writes,

"The at-home mother has a lot on her mind; to a significant extent, she has herself on her mind. She must not allow herself to shrivel up with boredom....She must go to lunch with like-minded friends, and to the movies. She needs to feed herself intellectually and emotionally; she needs to be on guard against exhaustion. She must find a way to combine the traditional women's work of child rearing with the kind of shared housework arrangements and domestic liberation that working mothers enjoy. Most important, she must somehow draw a line in the sand between the valuable, important work she is doing and the pathetic imprisonment of the housewife of old. It's a tall order."

During a run with friends yesterday, one said, "Los Alamos is turning out a bunch of marathon-running housewives" and she's right. So many of my friends have taken up running on trails together to keep active and fit as well as to fight boredom and depression. It is also the perfect opportunity to socialize with other women who share the same situation. It's what I call my "running therapy" where I run out all my demons, worries, and stress. In addition, I have non-running friends that I go to the gym with for a strength training workout. Afterwards once a week we go to have coffee together. More therapy! Also one or two times a month, a bunch of us ladies get together to play Bunco or to go to a "Ladies Night Out" dinner.

I am lucky to have a husband who is supportive of my need to get out of the house and socialize with my friends. :-)

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Neat

Tony Furtado Concert in Los Alamos

Every summer season in Los Alamos a man named Russ Gordon puts together a Summer Concert Series, which are weekly concerts completely free to the public made possible through fundraisers and donations of sponsors in the area. We've been going to the concerts for as long as we have lived here (though not as often in later years since we bought our camper) and always enjoyed the Friday night musical events when we attended.

One of the first concerts we saw was in around 1999 and saw Tony Furtado and have been fans ever since. The second time he came to town for the Summer Concert was in 2001; my youngest son was only a few days old and my parents were visiting. I have great memories of that evening of wonderful music and of Mom holding the baby. Then a third time, Tony came to town in about 2004 and signed a t-shirt for me that I gave to my dad for his birthday (Dad plays banjo as well and loves Tony's music too). From there, Tony didn't come back to our little Summer Concert Series anymore, hitting the "big time" and moving to Portland, Oregon. He came to Albuquerque a couple of years ago, but we couldn't afford the concert tickets! So when I heard last week that Tony was coming to Los Alamos to play as a benefit to the Concert Series (and as a friend of Russ Gordon's), I wanted to go. Ticket prices were reasonable since it was a fundraiser and so it was meant to be. It was held at the Blue Window Bistro restaurant, which is a good place to eat (try the Southwest Chicken) so we decided to have dinner there before the concert.

Tony came alone, without the band, but brought a banjo (5-string), acoustic guitar, and electric guitar. He played and sang some old favorites of mine, some awesome banjo tunes, and the remaining 50% was music from his newest CD, "Deep Water," which is more folk-rock than his previous CDs. His slide guitar playing was mesmerizing and his banjo picking was fantastic. I found myself watching his hands as he played. His new songs were more modern and touched my heart. I've included some lyrics for you to read, but you really have to hear the songs to truly appreciate them.

I learned many things from Tony last night:

1. A guitar string can be used to replace a broken 1st string of a banjo, but only in desperate situations such as at live concerts.
2. "Let go the heavy; lighten up your load. If it aint what you need, let it go."
3. Tony started to play guitar because it wasn't as heavy as the banjo and standing for 5 hours singing with a banjo was not easy.
4. "Don't rest your soul on what you've been."
5. Tony played his banjo along with songs on MTV as a kid when MTV still played music.
6. "Shadows only know the color of cold."
7. "The touch of skin can bring you back to life."
8. "A soul weighs 21 grams."

Some song lyrics were especially poignant. Here are three songs that I particularly liked that were new to me.

Waste of the Moon (From his newest album "Deep Water," 2009)

Wither and shiver, rain on my skin

Covered my face in the shape that I'm in

Searching for solace in something that's true

Just here to witness the waste of the moon

Layers of lovers, stars in the night

Angels and devils slipping from sight

I could love you forever but I'd be a fool

Just here to witness the waste of the moon

Only the echos and embers remain

Still feel your fingertips tracing my name

It's time I finally let go of you

To be here to witness the waste of the moon

Wade through the ruins, sun at my back

Cold chill of winter beginning to crack

What's left to say when there's nothing to do

Just here to witness the waste of the moon

Only the echos and embers remain

Still feel your fingertips tracing my name

It's time I finally let go of you

To be here to witness the waste of the moon

Darkest Day (From his newest album "Deep Water" and written for his parents)

I've had open roads run through my life

And I've chosen few that served me right

But there's one thing through, a constant light

You will guide me through my darkest night

You will guide me through my darkest night

Well I've seen my dreams slip miles away

All the brilliant colors fade to gray

I don't mind what unkind fools might say

You will guide me through my darkest day

You will guide me through my darkest day

Through the dimming harm of an angry world

Your voice is full of light

Only you can tame my troubled mind

Rolling cold as life unfolds

Confused along the way

I can always look to you and say

You will guide me through my darkest day

You will guide me through my darkest day

Waste Away the Night With You (from the album "Graciously-A Gulf Benefit Compilation" recorded after Hurricane Katrina, 2006)

I like lazy days that come with rain

I like the way your mouth tastes like sugar cane

Let's take it real slow until we get it right

Then we'll find some time to waste away the night

Waste away the night with you

That's all I want to do

Let the whole world slip away

At least until we're through

Waste away the night with you

I've nothing left to prove

Do we have to face the day

Waste away the night with you

I like to hear your voice whispering my name

Real soft and low at the end of the day

Let's watch the clouds cross the dimming sky

Then I'll watch you watching me with those sleepy eyes

Waste away the night with you

That's all I want to do

Let the whole world slip away

At least until we're through

Waste away the night with you

I've nothing left to prove

Do we have to face the day

Waste away the night with you

Here's a clip of one of his banjo medleys that he played last night. Of course, the sound is not very good from my cell phone (which is all I had with me, not my trusty camera), but you can definitely hear the talent and the crowd's enjoyment (I hope it's not illegal to post this!).

Tony does have a MySpace site where he's got a couple of songs to listen to, such as the title track of his newest CD, "Deep Water" and the banjo tune "The Bawds of Euphony."

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Neat

San Diego vs Los Alamos

I spent spring break in San Diego and always like going there. The area has so much to offer, not only for tourists, but also for residents (or so I assume based on family who live or have lived in the area). Of course, the climate is mild and pleasant, but also there are the beaches, all of the parks (Zoo and Wild Animal Park, Sea World, Legoland), museums galore, a vibrant downtown, convenient retail with so many shopping options, a variety of restaurants, a major airport, the state university (UCSD), and did I mention the beaches?

All of the above are things that I do not experience in the small town that I live in so it is always difficult to transition back from vacation to life at home. Especially coming from a mild and warm spring in San Diego to frigid cold days with gusty winds here. There are seasons and a mountain climate here that don't agree with my need for warmth, there is no ocean (or hardly any water anywhere), there is not a lot to do for activities unless you drive "off the hill" and there's only one very small museum in town. Retail is a joke unless you drive an hour to Santa Fe or two hours to Albuquerque (or shop online). Downtown consists of one or two blocks and is always closed up after 6pm and on the weekends. There are hardly any restaurants here, either, and a majority of them only serve during the lunch hour. Housing prices are too high for what you can get. Employment opportunities are few unless you have a Ph.D. and can dedicate yourself to working 40 hours a week or more.

So what does this town have? Beautiful mountains with many hiking and biking trails, beautiful pine trees, great historical sites and geology, and mild summers (unless you count the afternoon thunderstorms that can roll in from time to time). The skies at night are so clear that you can see how amazing the stars are. The skies are such a vivid blue because there is no pollution. The community is small and is made up of a hodge podge of people from all over the place (few natives here) so everyone is friendly and the businesses really do go out of their way to provide good customer service. It is safe here with hardly any crime and the schools are the best in the state (but the nearest state university is in Albuquerque). Another benefit is that there is not a lot of noise or traffic.

There are tradeoffs for any place where a person lives. Good and bad is all relevant, I guess. I am just thankful for being employed and for having a home in these difficult times.

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Neat